Seeing your child’s drug and alcohol problem spin out of control and being unable to help is an excruciating experience. If communication has all but stopped between you and your child, worry is a constant in your life. With the right communication tools, though, you don’t have to feel helpless any longer.
Addiction expert Dr. Robert Meyers says these five communication tools are the most effective when speaking with your teen or young adult about drugs and drinking:
Communication strategy #1: Be brief
Adolescents and young adults have short attention spans. You may want to sit down and have an in-depth conversation, but your child would rather leave. That’s why it’s important to say what you need to say without a lot of extra talk. Avoid tangents and stay on point.
Communication strategy #2: Stay positive
Positive statements really stand out and should dominate any conversation. Rather than yelling about your child not coming home at night, explain that you feel happy knowing he or she is safe at home.
Communication strategy #3: Refer to specific behaviors
When you’re upset, it’s easy to focus on your frustration rather than the specific behaviors you want to see. A better strategy is to ask for what you want in a clear, concise way that can’t be misconstrued.
Communication strategy #4: Label feelings
Discussing feelings can be tricky, but it is necessary if you wish to clearly communicate. First, convey positive feelings whenever possible. Second, when discussing negative feelings, try to choose neutral phrasing, such as “I feel confused when” rather than “I am embarrassed when.”
Communication strategy #5: Offer an understanding statement
Young adults feel no one understands them and, as a result, easily become defensive. When appropriate, offer a statement of understanding. Something like “I can see you’re dealing with a lot.” An understanding statement provides a great way to start a productive conversation.
“Communication is key to sending your child a clear message while maintaining a positive relationship. By trying new strategies, you can tackle tough topics in an effective, loving manner,” says Dr. Meyers, creator of the CRAFT (Community Reinforcement and Family Training) approach and co-developer of Parent CRAFT, which adapts this approach for parents. To watch videos of these strategies in use, visit www.cadenceonline.com.
